Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
