We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
