you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize