ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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