you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Randomize
