Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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