i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
That accounts for only three of the penises
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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