Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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