are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
