She is in my trunk
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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