the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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