I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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