Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
