Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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