just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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