i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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