I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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