That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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