shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
