Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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