Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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