i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize