You were right. It hurts to walk today.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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