you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
