I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
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