there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
