I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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