There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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