My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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