were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
