I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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