The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
