i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize