I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
