I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
