I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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