Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
