I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
