I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Randomize
