I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
