He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
