i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
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