hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
