if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
