im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
