Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
