Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
