Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
4 words: hood of his car
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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