Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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