So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
