My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize