I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
