Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
