Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
