If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
