My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
