hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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