So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
They have beer where we have blood.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
