Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
