1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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