I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
