There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
