Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Randomize
