I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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