I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
