Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
