I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize