I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
