I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
