We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
