Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
