Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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