my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize