stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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