I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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