then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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