I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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