If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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