this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Randomize
