do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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