So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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