I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I'm too high and old for this...
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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