got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
