she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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